Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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