Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize