I wanna bring you to show and tell
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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