So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
