I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
