She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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