i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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