if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
