after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
