That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize