The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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