if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
