Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
