saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
