I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
