we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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