so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
