1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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