I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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