Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
