I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize