i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
