the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
