Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
