dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
