i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
