She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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