He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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