i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
