so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
