i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize