I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
