So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
