im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
