I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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