"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
cat food counts as protein by the way
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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