I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize