was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
