His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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