he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
