1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
