I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
