just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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