I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
