My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
