In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
