what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
