I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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