Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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