fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
