I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize