Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
