I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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