does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
