So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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