Are we in a gay sports bar?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
