Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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