You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
