Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize