I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
