I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize