**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
