woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
