i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
how does that bad decision feel?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
