I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
