You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
