what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
