Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
