the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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