I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
