When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
