who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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